Spoiler alert: This is a vulnerable post.

Let’s get started.

For most of my life, I was kind of a golden child. I worked hard, was polite, and on the fast track to success.

My parents have been married for nearly 30 years.

So, let’s just say that going through a divorce young wasn’t exactly in the five-year plan.

I started dating my ex-husband when I was 20 years old and we married when I was 25. I made the decision to walk away from our marriage a year later. Obviously, there is a lot that led up to my choice, but for the sake of his privacy and my own, I am not ready or willing to go into details about what happened. Thankfully, our divorce ended pretty amicably.

I do not harbor any hard feelings or resentment. I have forgiven. I have processed my hurt, anger, and resentment. I have healed. I wish him nothing but the best, and I have moved forward to create a beautiful life for myself.

I share my story in hopes that it will help heal others who are going through this difficult time and give a sense of hope that the pain you feel is not in vain.

There IS life after divorce. I promise.

What I have learned going through this process is that literally NO ONE thinks they are going to get divorced…. yet there is SO MUCH shame in our culture associated with this.

Oh, the shame.

The embarrassment.

The ridicule.

That was honestly the worst part.

In a nutshell, here are my thoughts about what I learned divorcing young. (There is literally so much I could write, I’m sure I will post more about my healing process. For now, here are some initial thoughts and nuggets of advice.)

1.) Allow yourself to feel the hurt.
Be pissed. Be sad. Be resentful. Let yourself feel all of the feelings. One cannot truly heal until they deeply allow themselves to feel what they feel.

2.) Take the high road.
Girl, it won’t make you feel better if you choose the other road. I promise. Keep your head held up high, no matter what unfolds. Choose to be a big person. Be mindful of who you share details with in order to protect yourself. Respect yourself throughout the process.

3.) Find support.
You will need it. I will not lie to you, this journey is going to the one of the hardest you will ever embark on throughout the duration of your life. However, you WILL see through to the other side. But you can’t do it alone. Lean on your support system.

4.) Go to therapy.
If you aren’t already in therapy, now is the time to start. It will help you process your feelings and guide you in rebuilding your life. Therapy will provide a safe space to process your thoughts, feelings and begin your healing journey. The key is to find a therapist who is a good match. Remember, one bad experience with a specific individual does not equate to all therapy = bad. It really is all about the fit!

5.) Protect your peace.
You may feel at times like everyone is invested in your relationship ending, but the truth is, everyone is caught up in their own lives. Let go of the shame and guilt. Shit happens in life, and sometimes, we just need to accept it and move on. It’s important that you set boundaries around others who haven’t earned the right to know all of the details in your life. Protect your peace at all costs.

6.) Do the work.
After taking space to process your feelings and allow yourself to feel them, it’s now time to start the healing process. It’s time to take a step forward and create change in your life. There are always two sides to all divorces, no matter what happened. Instead of fixating on your ex, look within and work to better yourself. You are only hurting yourself if you choose to remain stuck in the anger, sadness, or pity-party of resentment. At some point, after you have allowed yourself appropriate time to heal, you need to pick yourself up and do the work. YOU are in charge of your life. YOU have the freedom to make choices. YOU are allowed to be happy. But you have to claim and own this power.

7.) Know it gets better.
Time truly heals all. The shame and embarrassment you are feeling will subside. Your anger will lessen. Your grief will heal. It gets better. It always does.

The truth is, no matter who chooses to end a marriage, divorce is tough. Not just because we lose a partner, but there are financial obligations, choices to be made in regards to living situations, and if kids are involved, it’s a whole different ballgame. Make sure you lean onto your support system and take care of yourself in this process. Again, I can’t stress this enough. It WILL get better.

If you are going through a divorce, please know that I am sending you so much love and encouragement. And if it’s any consolation, getting divorced was the single best thing that could have ever happened to me, although I didn’t realize it at the time. It led me to my amazing husband, my son, and my step daughters. I have this beautiful family because I had the courage to walk away from a situation that was no longer serving me. It was sad and very difficult, but it was the right choice.

And you can do it, too. It doesn’t happen overnight.
Baby steps.

Again, sending you so much love.
xoxo, chelsea