I don’t think any of us are ever 100% confident. Self-doubt and insecurity creep in from time to time. My journey to self-confidence hasn’t been linear—I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, each bringing some of the hardest lessons I’ve ever learned.

At 32, I feel more confident than ever. Of course, I still have days when I look in the mirror and don’t love what I see or moments when I think, UM, WHAT am I even doing with my life? But those days are far less frequent now. (Thank God, lol).

What is the root of our confidence?

Let’s take a step back and really examine the roots of confidence. Confidence is shaped by so many factors. First, our upbringing plays a huge role—were your parents confident individuals? Did they empower you and highlight your strengths? Did they make you feel valued and capable? Then there’s environment factors—does your workplace stress you out? Do you have a strong support system of people who genuinely have your back? Do you feel loved and supported? And of course, self-care matters too—have you been neglecting yourself? Are you nurturing your physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being?

“Grow through what you go through.” One of my favorite quotes. We all face challenges in life, but confidence comes from rising above them and intentionally creating the life we want. That’s why I put together this foolproof confidence guide—based on my own personal journey. I want you to know you’re not alone in this struggle. As someone who has battled self-doubt for years (thanks to my perfectionist tendencies), I can tell you that building confidence takes time and mental energy. But it’s absolutely possible. You got this!

Step 1: Assess what has broken your confidence.

“Feel, so you can heal.” What has contributed to your sense of broken confidence? A toxic relationship? Maybe a message that you have been communicated as a child? It’s not a bad idea to unpack these root causes in therapy or with a close friend.

Step 2: Build your support system. Make adjustments as needed.

I want you to take a moment and think about this—who are the top five people you spend the most time with? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Do they uplift and support you? Your support system will naturally evolve as you move through different stages of life. Maybe you’re no longer as close with your old college roommates, but now you have an incredible boss or a team of colleagues who push you to grow.

It’s imperative to surround yourself with people who believe in you, your dreams, and your goals. If that’s not the case, it might be time to make some tough decisions—like distancing yourself from those who don’t have your best interests at heart.

This is often the hardest step in the process, but don’t skip it. Especially when your self-confidence is still developing, you need people who build you up—not tear you down.

Step 3: Take inventory of the things that make you feel good about yourself. Do more of these things, and less of the things that don’t make you feel good.

Simple, right? But how often do we truly tune in to our own needs? Take a moment to think about the things that make you feel good. Even if you’re not engaging in them right now, consider how you can bring more of these activities into your life—whether it’s moving your body, spending time with a certain person, or something else that fills your cup.

Step 4: Make small commitments to yourself—and keep them.

Building confidence starts with learning to trust yourself. The key? Start small.

Don’t go all out. Instead, choose something simple—like setting aside time today to finally call the doctor and schedule that appointment. Or committing to calling your grandma, someone you’ve been meaning to check in on for a while, and actually following through.

Make a small commitment.
Check it off.
Feel the dopamine rush.

Let that feeling empower you to take on an even bigger step next time.

Step 5: Build regular movement into your daily routine.

Set aside time each day and commit to moving your body—just for you. This isn’t about joining CrossFit or training for a half marathon. Even a 10-minute walk on the treadmill can boost your mood and help you feel better about yourself.

Here’s a lil’ simple formula: Movement → Endorphins → Feeling like Super Woman!!

Keep it small, keep it consistent, and watch how it transforms your confidence.

Step 6: Don’t ever underestimate the power of look good, feel good.

I learned quickly during my brief time at home with my son that the whole not showering daily, not getting dressed thing was not good for my confidence. There’s just something empowering about putting on an outfit that makes you feel good in your own skin and getting yourself physically “ready” to take on the day.

For some, that might mean a full face of makeup. For others, it’s finding the perfect pair of leggings, painting your nails, or simply putting on an outfit that feels right. There are no rules for what you need to do to feel good in your own body—and it doesn’t have to cost a thing. But I want you to see this: while we don’t have to be “done up” every day, I’ve noticed that when I put effort into my appearance, I feel more confident, more energized, and more ready to take on the world.

Step 7: Keep this mantra in mind: Progress over Perfectionism.

Perfectionism is NOT going to serve you. Like, at ALL. It’s time to let that $hi* go.

Often times, we quit things before we build momentum because we feel that we can’t meet up to our own expectations. Remember that even taking a baby step forward is better than taking no steps at all.

Step 8: Once that momentum starts building, keep at it!

Confidence is addictive—those little steps will snowball into bigger ones, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself in a more confident, empowered space. You got this. And I’m so proud of you!

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Love you guys. Thanks for following along!
Xo, Chels